Submit to one another
Mutual deference
Paul gives a command that runs against every instinct of the self: submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Notice the mutuality — not merely some submitting to others, but one another, a whole community of people deferring to each other, yielding their preferences and rights for the sake of the others, out of reverence for Christ.
This is deeply countercultural and deeply contrary to the self we have spent so long learning to put to death. The self insists on its own way, its own rights, its own preferences, and resists submitting to anyone. Mutual submission asks the opposite: a community of people each willing to yield to the others, to put others' preferences ahead of their own, to defer rather than insist. It is the death of self translated into the give-and-take of community.
And Paul roots it not in the worthiness of the other person but in reverence for Christ. We submit to one another not because others have earned our deference, but out of reverence for the Christ we serve, who himself submitted and served. Peter says the same: clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another. A community where each person insists on their own way is at war; a community where each defers to the others, in reverence for Christ, has found the secret of peace. Where is the self in you still insisting on its own way, when love calls you to yield?
“Subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.”
— Paul, to the Ephesians — Ephesians 5:21 (WEB)
Defer to one another out of reverence for Christ — a community where each yields to the others rather than insisting on its own way.
“All of you clothe yourselves with humility, to subject yourselves to one another; for God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Yielding feels like losing, so the self braces, defends its rights, and waits to be deferred to rather than deferring. The interior work is to move the reason for submission off the other person, who has earned nothing, and onto reverence for Christ, who chose the low place and washed feet. Mutual deference is just the crucified self showing up in everyday give-and-take — the line between a community forever at war over its preferences and one finally at rest.
This week, practice deference: in a matter where you would normally insist on your own way, yield to another's preference out of reverence for Christ, putting their wishes ahead of yours rather than demanding your rights.
The enemy keeps every self insisting on its own way and its own rights, turning community into a standing war of wills. A people who yield to one another out of reverence for Christ disarm the very self he uses to divide them, and stumble into a peace his rivalry cannot break.
The self insists on its own way — its rights, its preferences, its right to be deferred to — and resists submitting to anyone. Paul commands the opposite, and makes it mutual: submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Not a few yielding to the rest, but a whole community of people each deferring to the others, putting others' preferences ahead of their own.
This is the death of self translated into the give-and-take of community, and it is profoundly countercultural. Notice that Paul roots it not in the worthiness of others — they have not earned our deference — but in reverence for Christ, who himself submitted and served. A community where each person insists on their own way is perpetually at war; a community where each defers to the others, out of reverence for Christ, has found the secret of peace. Where is the self in you still insisting on its own way, when love calls you to yield?
- Where is the self in me still insisting on its own way?
- Do I defer to others, or demand they defer to me?
- Can I yield out of reverence for Christ, not the other's worthiness?
Lord, the self in me insists on its own way and resists yielding to anyone. Teach me to submit to others out of reverence for you, who submitted and served. Clothe me with humility toward your people, that deference might bring peace where insistence brings war. Amen.