The wounds of a friend
Faithful, even when it hurts
Proverbs makes a bracing comparison: faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. A true friend will sometimes wound us — will say the hard, honest thing we need to hear, even when it hurts — and those wounds are faithful, born of genuine love. An enemy, or a flatterer, will lavish us with pleasant words, but those kisses deceive, leaving us comfortable and uncorrected.
This overturns how we often judge our relationships. We are drawn to those who make us feel good, who affirm and flatter us, and we pull away from those who challenge or correct us, experiencing the correction as unkindness. Proverbs says we have it backwards. The one who wounds us with honest truth, out of love, is being a faithful friend; the one who only ever flatters us may be doing us harm, however pleasant it feels.
This means that part of real love — both giving and receiving it — is the willingness to wound and be wounded faithfully. To love someone well sometimes requires the courage to say the hard thing they need to hear; to be loved well requires the humility to receive it. One who rebukes, Proverbs adds, will in the end find more favor than one who flatters. Do you have friends faithful enough to wound you with the truth — and are you faithful enough to wound, lovingly, when love requires it?
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; although the kisses of an enemy are profuse.”
— The proverb — Proverbs 27:6 (WEB)
Value the faithful wounds of a friend over the deceitful kisses of a flatterer — willing both to receive honest correction and to give it in love.
“One who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than one who flatters with the tongue.”
Something in us flinches from the honest word and leans toward the flatterer, reading correction as unkindness and praise as proof of love. The interior work is to let Proverbs turn the verdict over: the wound of a friend is faithful and the flatterer's kiss deceives. Then real love grows two nerves at once — the nerve to risk the painful truth and the lowliness to take it — prizing honest correction above comfortable applause.
This week, value and practice faithful wounding: receive a hard, honest word without pulling away or defending, thanking the friend who risked it; and where love requires, gently say the difficult truth someone needs to hear rather than flattering them.
The enemy is glad to surround you with admirers and turn you against anyone who corrects you, leaving you flattered, comfortable, and uncorrected while the friends who could help are pushed away. But a love willing to wound faithfully and humble enough to be wounded shapes a soul as the deceitful kisses of flattery never will.
We instinctively judge our relationships by how good they make us feel, gravitating toward those who affirm and flatter us and pulling away from those who challenge or correct us. Proverbs says we have it exactly backwards: faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. The one who wounds us with honest truth out of love is the faithful one; the flatterer who never corrects us may be doing real harm, however pleasant it feels.
This means real love, both given and received, includes the willingness to wound and be wounded faithfully. To love someone well sometimes requires the courage to say the hard thing; to be loved well requires the humility to receive it without pulling away. The flatterer feels like a friend and the honest one feels like a threat, but the truth is reversed. Do you have friends faithful enough to wound you with the truth — and are you faithful enough to wound, gently and lovingly, when love requires it?
- Do I judge relationships by how good they make me feel?
- Do I have friends faithful enough to wound me with the truth?
- Am I faithful enough to wound, lovingly, when love requires it?
Lord, I gravitate to flatterers and pull away from those who correct me, mistaking comfort for love. Teach me that faithful are the wounds of a friend. Give me friends honest enough to wound me with truth, and make me humble to receive it and faithful to give it in love. Amen.