Not good to be alone
Made for one another
In the first chapters of the Bible, in a world God had repeatedly called good, the first thing he declares not good is solitude. It is not good, God says, that the man should be alone. Before the fall, in a perfect garden, in unbroken fellowship with God himself, the human being was still incomplete in isolation. We were made, from the very beginning, for one another.
This foundational truth reaches far beyond marriage. It tells us something about the nature of the soul: we are made for relationship, and we do not flourish, or even function rightly, alone. The whole long journey of formation we have traced — the character, the fruit, the likeness of Christ — was never meant to be a solo project. The soul is not formed alone any more than the man in the garden was complete alone.
This is why the entire previous stage, on the character of Christ, leads necessarily into this one. Nearly every virtue God forms in us — love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, humility — can only be practiced and proven in relationship with others. You cannot learn patience in isolation, or forgiveness with no one to forgive, or love with no one to love. The lone-wolf Christian is a contradiction in terms, for the very things God is forming in us require others to be formed at all. We are formed together, or not truly formed at all.
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
— The LORD God, at creation — Genesis 2:18 (WEB)
Abandon the solo-project model of formation — recognizing that the soul, like the man in the garden, is not made to be formed alone, but together.
“An unfriendly man pursues selfishness, and defies all sound judgment.”
There is a quiet comfort in the solo model — nobody to bear with, nobody to pardon, formation shrunk to me and my private devotions. The interior work is to feel the catch in that comfort: the very fruit we long for cannot ripen in a vacuum. Patience needs someone trying it, mercy needs someone to spend it on, so the graces you most want from God turn out to be the ones that take other people to grow at all.
This week, examine where you have tried to be formed alone, and take one step into community: invest deliberately in a relationship or a gathering where the virtues you long to grow in — patience, love, forgiveness — can actually be practiced with others.
Isolation flatters the soul, promising growth without the friction of people, but it is a starving room dressed as a sanctuary. Step into community and the virtues that stayed theoretical alone become real and proven among others, growing a Christlikeness the solo project could never manufacture.
We can come to imagine that the deepest spiritual formation is a solitary project — just me and God, my devotions, my private growth. The opening pages of Scripture quietly contradict this. In a perfect world, with unbroken fellowship with God, the first thing called not good was the human being alone. We were made, from the start, for one another.
This is why the character God forms in us cannot be formed in isolation. Almost every virtue of the previous stage — love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, humility — requires other people to be practiced and proven; you cannot grow patient with no one to bear with, or forgiving with no one to forgive. The journey of formation, far from being a solo climb, is inescapably communal. Consider honestly whether you have tried to be formed alone — and whether the very things you long to grow in are precisely the things only others can help grow in you.
- Have I tried to make my formation a solo project?
- Can the virtues I long to grow in actually grow without others?
- Where do I need to move from isolation into community?
Lord, I treat formation as a solo project of me and you, but from the beginning you said it is not good to be alone. Teach me that the soul is not formed alone. Lead me into community, where the character you form in me can be practiced and proven among others. Amen.