Bless, and do not curse
The death of the offended self
Paul issues a command that runs against every natural instinct: bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. When someone wrongs us, the self rises up immediately — wounded, indignant, demanding retaliation or at least the satisfaction of a curse. Paul says to do the opposite: to actively call down good on the very people who have hurt us.
This is one of the hardest deaths the self ever dies. The offended self feels entirely justified in its resentment; it has, after all, been genuinely wronged. It wants to nurse the grievance, return the injury, or at minimum withhold goodwill. To bless instead — to genuinely desire and seek the good of someone who has harmed us — requires the death of that wounded, retaliating self, which feels almost like a violence against ourselves.
And yet here is where the death of self produces its most Christlike fruit. Do not be overcome by evil, Paul says, but overcome evil with good. The one who curses in return has been overcome by the evil done to them, dragged down to its level; the one who blesses overcomes it, refusing to let the offense have the last word or reproduce itself. To bless your enemy is to be free of them — no longer controlled by the wound or the wrongdoer. Whom do you need to bless instead of curse, and what offended self must die for you to do it?
“Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don't curse.”
— Paul, to the church at Rome — Romans 12:14 (WEB)
Bless those who wrong you rather than curse them — letting the offended, retaliating self die, and overcoming evil with good.
“Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The instant we are wronged, something rises in us that feels wholly entitled to its grievance — and it is entitled; the harm was genuine, which is exactly what makes it so hard to set down. The interior work is to take up the steep obedience of blessing where every instinct demands a curse, actively willing well for the very person who did the damage — knowing that to curse back is to be chained to the wound and the wrongdoer, while to bless is to break the evil's grip and walk away free.
This week, take someone who has wronged you and bless them rather than curse them: pray for their genuine good, refuse to nurse the grievance or return the injury, and overcome the evil with a deliberate good.
Resentment feels like power and tastes like justice, so the wounded self nurses the grievance and rehearses the curse, never noticing the chain it is forging to the very person it hates. The one who blesses an enemy slips that chain — refusing to let the offense reproduce itself, and walking out from under the offender's grip into a freedom revenge could never give.
When we are wronged, the offended self rises up at once, wounded and indignant, certain it is entitled to resentment and retaliation. After all, the injury was real. Paul commands the unnatural opposite: bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Not merely refrain from revenge, but actively seek the good of the one who hurt you — which requires the death of the wounded, retaliating self.
This is among the hardest deaths the self ever dies, and among the most Christlike. And there is a hidden freedom in it. The one who returns a curse has been overcome by the evil done to them, dragged to its level and bound to the wound; the one who blesses overcomes the evil, refusing to let it reproduce itself, and is set free from the offender's grip. To bless your enemy is, in the end, to be liberated from them. Whom do you need to bless rather than curse — and what offended self must die for you to do it?
- When wronged, does the offended self rise up demanding retaliation?
- Am I bound to a wound because I keep cursing rather than blessing?
- Whom do I need to bless, and what offended self must die to do it?
Lord, when I am wronged the offended self rises up, entitled to resentment and revenge. Teach me to bless and not curse. Let the retaliating self die, free me from the grip of those who hurt me, and let me overcome evil with good. Amen.