Not like Diotrephes
A warning about a domineering leader
In one of the shortest books of the Bible, John names a real and cautionary leader: Diotrephes, who loves to be first. This man dominated his church — rejecting John's authority, spreading malicious talk, refusing to welcome traveling believers, and even putting out those who tried to.
He is Scripture's portrait of the lord-it-over leader Jesus forbade: the rulers of the nations dominate, Jesus said, but it shall not be so among you. Diotrephes is what leadership becomes when the love of being first is left unchecked — and Scripture preserved his name as a warning.
“Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, doesn't accept what we say.”
— The apostle John — 3 John 1:9 (WEB)
Don't be a Diotrephes who loves to be first and dominates. Refuse the lord-it-over instinct, for it shall not be so among Christ's leaders.
“You know that the rulers of the nations lord it over them... It shall not be so among you. Whoever desires to be great among you shall be your servant.”
Diotrephes shows what an unchecked love of being first produces: domination, defensiveness, and the inability to share authority. A leader formed here watches for that love in himself and refuses to lord it over others. He holds authority openly, not possessively. The inner work is rooting out the love of being first.
Refuse domineering control; share authority and welcome others' contributions. Watch for the love of being first that makes you defensive and threatened. Build a culture where it shall not be so among us is a real boundary against lording it over people. Lead by serving rather than by dominating.
The love of being first can take over a leader without their noticing they have become controlling and threatened by others. The blind spot is a domineering instinct that feels like strong leadership.
Examine where a love of being first is making you controlling or defensive. This week, deliberately share authority or welcome a contribution you would normally resist.
The love of being first is so natural that it can quietly take over a leader without their noticing they have become a Diotrephes — controlling, defensive, threatened by others, and unable to share authority. Jesus drew a hard line: it shall not be so among you.
Is there any Diotrephes in you — a love of being first that is making you controlling, defensive, or threatened by others' contributions?