So far as it depends on you
Paul on the limits of peace
Paul gives a realistic, demanding command: if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Three careful qualifiers — if possible, as far as it depends on you — acknowledge that peace is not always achievable. Some people will not be at peace with you no matter what you do. But Paul fixes responsibility on the one thing you actually control: your side of it. Make sure that if there is no peace, it is not because of you.
Leaders are often in the middle of conflicts, some of which they cannot resolve. Paul's wisdom frees and convicts at once. It frees: you are not responsible for the other person's hostility, and you cannot force a peace they refuse. It convicts: you are responsible for your own part — your tone, your willingness, your refusal to retaliate. The question is not whether everyone is at peace with you, but whether you have done everything on your side to make it so.
“Follow after peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no man will see the Lord.”
— The writer to the Hebrews — Hebrews 12:14 (WEB)
You cannot force a peace others refuse, but you are responsible for your own side of it. Make sure that where there is no peace, it is not because of you.
“If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men.”
Paul fixes responsibility on the part a leader controls. A leader formed here owns his side of every conflict — his tone, willingness, and refusal to retaliate — without taking on what is not his. The inner work is doing his full part and releasing the rest.
Do everything on your side to make peace, while accepting you cannot compel it. Own your tone and willingness; refuse to retaliate. Leave the other person’s response to them, having done your part.
Leaders either blame themselves for peace they cannot force, or excuse their own part because the other side is hostile. The blind spot is missing the line between what depends on you and what does not.
Take one strained relationship. This week, do the part that depends on you, regardless of how the other person responds.
Some people will not be at peace with you no matter what — but Paul fixes responsibility on the one thing you control: your side of it. Make sure that if there is no peace, it is not because of you.
So far as it depends on you, have you done everything to be at peace?