The wounds of a friend
Wisdom on faithful correction
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, the proverb says, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. A true friend will sometimes wound you — tell you the hard thing, the unwelcome truth — and that wound is faithful, given for your good. The flatterer, by contrast, showers pleasant words that ask nothing, cost nothing, and ultimately betray. Love sometimes hurts; flattery always soothes.
This cuts two ways for a leader. First, be the kind of friend whose wounds are faithful — willing to risk a relationship by telling someone the truth they need, rather than flattering them toward ruin. Second, value those who wound you faithfully — the few who will tell you what you do not want to hear. Leaders are surrounded by enemies' kisses: people who flatter for advantage, who tell them only what they want to hear. The faithful wounder is rare and precious, and a leader who drives them away is left with only flatterers.
“So then, have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?”
— Paul, to the Galatians — Galatians 4:16 (WEB)
A faithful friend will wound you with needed truth; a flatterer soothes and betrays. Leaders must both give faithful wounds and value those who give them.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, although the kisses of an enemy are profuse.”
The proverb honors the painful honesty of a true friend over an enemy’s flattery. A leader formed here both tells hard truths in love and welcomes them from others. The inner work is valuing faithful wounds over comfortable flattery.
Be willing to wound faithfully — telling people the truth they need for their good. Cultivate and protect the few who will tell you what you do not want to hear. Refuse to surround yourself with flatterers.
Leaders drift toward those who flatter and away from those who wound faithfully, until only flatterers remain. The blind spot is mistaking pleasant agreement for friendship.
Identify who in your life will faithfully wound you with truth. This week, thank them and invite their honesty — and offer one faithful wound to someone who needs it.
A true friend will sometimes wound you with an unwelcome truth, given for your good; the flatterer showers pleasant words that ultimately betray. Leaders are surrounded by enemies' kisses.
Do you have anyone who will faithfully wound you with the truth — and are you that friend to others, or only a pleasant flatterer?