Go to him directly
Jesus on handling an offense
Jesus gives a precise protocol for handling an offense: if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. Not to others first; not in a broadcast; not in silent resentment — but directly, privately, to the person himself. And the goal is named: if he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. The aim is not to win or to expose, but to restore.
It is the road less traveled in conflict. The natural paths are avoidance — say nothing, stew — or triangulation, telling everyone but the person. Jesus closes both and points straight to the hard, healthy way: go directly to the one who wronged you. For a leader, this sets a culture. When a leader addresses problems directly with the person involved, rather than complaining about them to others or letting them fester, he models the only approach that actually resolves conflict and keeps relationships whole.
“You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him.”
— The LORD, in the law — Leviticus 19:17 (WEB)
Conflict is resolved by going directly and privately to the person, aiming to restore, not to win or expose. Avoidance and triangulation only let it fester.
“If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother.”
Jesus rejects both stewing and gossip in favor of direct, restorative confrontation. A leader formed here resists the easier paths of silence and telling everyone else. The inner work is courage aimed at gaining the brother, not winning the point.
Address problems directly with the person involved, privately and for restoration. Refuse to complain about people to others or let grievances fester. Model and require the direct path, setting the conflict culture for your team.
Leaders avoid the person and either stew or vent to others, calling it discretion. The blind spot is that triangulation and silence feel safer but guarantee the conflict festers.
Name one grievance you have been carrying or venting to others. This week, go directly and privately to the person, aiming to restore.
The natural paths in conflict are avoidance — say nothing, stew — or telling everyone but the person. Jesus closes both and points straight to the hard, healthy way.
When someone wrongs you, do you go directly to them, or everywhere except to them?