Rejoice and weep with them
Entering the joys and griefs of others
Paul's instruction is deceptively simple: rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. It asks a leader to step inside other people's emotional reality — to be genuinely glad at someone else's good news even when it is not his own, and genuinely grieved at their sorrow even when he is busy. It is the work of presence, of feeling-with rather than merely managing.
The harder of the two is often the first. Weeping with the weeping comes more naturally; rejoicing with the rejoicing requires a heart free of envy, able to celebrate another's promotion, success, or joy without the shadow of comparison. Both ask a leader to set aside his own emotional state to join someone in theirs. And people simply do not feel shepherded by a leader who stays outside their joys and griefs, however competent he is. Presence is felt. Its absence is felt even more.
“Jesus wept.”
— John, at the tomb of Lazarus — John 11:35 (WEB)
Shepherding is the work of presence — entering others’ joys and griefs. People are not led by competence alone but by a leader who feels with them.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.”
Paul calls leaders to step into others' emotional reality, gladly and sorrowfully. A leader formed here sets aside his own state to join people in theirs, and frees his heart of the envy that cannot celebrate another. The inner work is genuine presence.
Be present in your people's joys and sorrows, not just their tasks. Celebrate others' good news without comparison, and grieve their losses even when busy. Let people feel you are with them, because presence is felt and its absence more so.
Competent leaders stay outside their people’s emotional lives and assume the work is enough. The blind spot is not feeling how strongly the absence of presence registers, especially in joy and grief.
Notice one person's recent joy and one person's recent grief. This week, genuinely rejoice with the one and weep with the other.
People are not shepherded by competence alone, but by a leader who enters their joys and griefs. Rejoicing with another's success takes a heart free of envy; weeping with their sorrow takes time you feel you don't have.
Whose joy have you failed to celebrate, or whose grief have you stayed outside of, because you were too busy or too envious?